Human-First Remote Relationship Rituals
Build personal connection deliberately before discussing work
- Difficulty
- Easy
- Time to result
- ~weeks to results
- Steps
- 5
- Confidence
- 97%
Remote work removes many incidental moments that normally ease people into conversation, so leaders must create a small amount of intentional social space. Begin one-on-ones by asking how the person is doing rather than immediately asking about programs. Use music, light questions, or brief icebreakers to provide transition time at the start of team meetings. Learn about colleagues as people, organize shared meals or activities when possible, and continue building relationships over video when travel is unavailable. These practices should not become compulsory entertainment; their purpose is to make trust and personal concern visible. Repeated consistently, they prevent remote interactions from collapsing into a sequence of transactional status checks.
Origin
Extracted from Marketing Against The Grain, including the hosts' experience building acquisition relationships with The Hustle entirely over Zoom during COVID travel restrictions.
Core principles
- 01Employees are people before they are programs or outputs
- 02Remote relationships require scheduled social space
- 03Informal transitions must be recreated deliberately online
- 04Virtual connection can work when leaders consistently make room for it
How to run it
- 1
Create Transition Time
Reserve the opening minutes of virtual meetings for a light question, music, or informal conversation.
Pro tip Rotate prompts so the ritual remains natural rather than scripted.
Watch out Do not let social openings consume the meeting or pressure people into oversharing.
- 2
Ask About the Person
Start direct conversations by asking how the employee is doing before discussing work performance.
Pro tip Listen to the answer instead of using the question as a greeting formula.
Watch out Immediately pivoting to deliverables signals that the personal question was insincere.
- 3
Use One-on-Ones for Connection
Make space in recurring one-on-ones to understand the person's circumstances, motivations, and concerns.
Pro tip Let the employee determine how personal the conversation becomes.
Watch out Respect boundaries and avoid collecting personal information that is irrelevant or intrusive.
- 4
Add Shared Experiences
When practical, arrange dinners, offsites, or virtual activities that are not centered solely on task execution.
Pro tip Choose formats that accommodate different locations, abilities, and personalities.
Watch out Mandatory fun can damage trust when employees experience it as another obligation.
- 5
Repeat Consistently
Use small human-first rituals throughout the year rather than relying on a single bonding event.
Pro tip Consistency matters more than elaborate production.
Watch out Relationships erode when personal interest appears only during crises or retention risks.
In the wild
Leaders cannot travel to meet an acquired company's executives, so they combine structured Zoom work with regular personal check-ins and informal conversations. They ask about the people, not only integration programs, and gradually learn how each counterpart communicates.
→ The organizations build workable relationships despite completing the acquisition without an initial in-person meeting.
Common mistakes
Starting With Program Status
Opening every conversation with work signals that output matters more than the employee's experience.
Forcing Artificial Fun
Overly elaborate or mandatory rituals can feel performative and create additional emotional labor.
Is it for you?
Best for
It is best for remote teams, newly integrated groups, and managers whose interactions have become purely transactional.
Not ideal for
It is not ideal when forced social activities disregard personal boundaries, cultural differences, or employees' need for focused time.
From the transcript
“You need to go for dinner with them. You need to do things with them.”
“start every conversation with how are you doing, not like how is your work doing.”
From the episode
Why Malcolm Gladwell is Wrong about Remote Work