The Deeply Disinterested Icebreaker
Build rapport by asking what makes people harmlessly tune out
- Difficulty
- Starter
- Time to result
- ~days to results
- Steps
- 5
- Confidence
- 90%
This icebreaker reverses the usual question about passions by asking participants what subject makes them harmlessly disengage. The facilitator distinguishes deep disinterest from hatred: the target is an ordinary topic that causes someone to glaze over, not a person, identity, or serious concern. Participants offer a concise answer and, if comfortable, explain what happens when the subject arises. Because answers such as NFTs, cooking, television shows, or comic-book films are specific and mildly surprising, they expose personality while keeping emotional stakes relatively low. The facilitator models candor, prevents ridicule, and treats disagreement playfully. Used well, the method creates memorable openings and reveals conversational boundaries without requiring intimate disclosure.
Origin
Extracted from Marketing Against The Grain after Hannah Fleischmann introduced one of her favorite icebreaker questions and the hosts answered it.
Core principles
- 01Disinterest is different from hatred or moral opposition
- 02Unexpected preferences reveal personality without demanding vulnerability
- 03Low-stakes disagreement can energize a group
- 04Participants should be free to opt out without defending their tastes
How to run it
- 1
Frame the Distinction
Explain that the question concerns something participants simply do not care about, not something they hate. Exclude attacks on people or identities.
Pro tip Offer an ordinary example to establish the intended level of seriousness.
Watch out Without framing, the prompt can invite hostile or demeaning responses.
- 2
Ask the Question
Invite each person to name one subject that makes them mentally glaze over. Allow time to think.
Pro tip Use the exact phrase “deeply disinterested” to make the prompt memorable.
Watch out Do not force an immediate answer from someone who needs reflection.
- 3
Model a Candid Answer
Share a specific, low-stakes answer yourself and explain it briefly. This gives others permission to avoid polished responses.
Pro tip Choose something popular enough to produce playful surprise.
Watch out Avoid examples likely to make colleagues feel personally rejected.
- 4
Explore Lightly
Ask one short follow-up about the person’s reaction when the topic appears. Keep the exchange curious rather than argumentative.
Pro tip Notice shared answers and humorous contrasts within the group.
Watch out Do not turn the discussion into an attempt to convert the person.
- 5
Respect the Boundary
Accept the answer and move on without demanding justification. Use what was learned to improve future conversation and rapport.
Pro tip Remember the answer as a preference, not a permanent label.
Watch out Do not weaponize the response later.
In the wild
A guest explains that NFTs are not something she hates; they are simply a subject that makes her glaze over. The hosts then share their own answers—cooking and comic-book entertainment—and the exchange quickly reveals distinct personalities.
→ The group establishes rapport through candid, low-stakes disagreement.
A facilitator asks each participant for one harmless topic they cannot become interested in. Answers range from fantasy sports to celebrity news, producing laughter and several unexpected connections without requiring personal disclosures.
→ The workshop begins with greater energy and familiarity among participants.
Common mistakes
Asking What People Hate
Hatred raises the emotional stakes and changes the prompt from playful disinterest to potentially hostile judgment.
Debating the Answer
Trying to persuade someone that their disinterest is wrong undermines the safety of the exercise.
Allowing Identity-Based Targets
The icebreaker should concern harmless topics, not people, cultures, identities, or serious lived experiences.
Is it for you?
Best for
It is best for friendly teams, podcast conversations, workshops, and groups comfortable with playful differences of taste.
Not ideal for
It is not ideal for hostile settings or topics where stated disinterest could demean a person’s identity or lived experience.
From the transcript
“One of my favorite icebreaker questions is to ask people, what are you deeply disinterested in?”
“Like it's not something you hate. It's just like, what is something that when people talk about it, like when people talk about it, you…”
From the episode
Leadership Lessons, Needing to Win, and Cards Against Humanity